Thailand Taxi Tales: Two and Half Bags is Too Many

Thailand’s taxi drivers slide on and off my shit list as often an ass visits a toilet seat. There are days when I despise cab drivers and there are days when a driver has me howling with laughter.

A couple of weeks ago, I met James Grey at Suvarnabhumi airport. The PAD demonstrations were over and he arrived the day the airport re-opened. It wasn’t absolutely necessary for me to pick him up, but it’s nice having someone waiting for you at the airport, especially in light of the political situation. I took a cab to the airport, went inside to the prearranged meeting place, drank a M-150, and waited.

A few minutes later, Jimmy walks out from immigration, raring to go. We bypass the slew of touts crying out, “Pattaya, you, mister, taxi,” and walk out to the public taxi stand. In a matter of seconds, a woman asks where we would like to go, “Sukhumvit Soi 39,” I tell her.

A driver walks up, asks the same question, and then leads us over to his taxi, which was barely large enough for three people including the driver. He opens the trunk, which is only large enough to fit the carryon bag, and the problems begin.

James brought two Samsonite bags, plus a carryon. If we put the bags inside the back of the taxi, there would be no place for us to sit, unless we wanted to sit in the trunk. And that wasn’t happening.

The driver, confused by the situation, starts to short circuit. He is visibly melting down.

I suggested we change vehicles, one with larger trunk space, but the driver tells us, “Wait, wait, one moment.”

If we could put one of the bags in the trunk, and another on the front seat, we could both sit in the back with the carryon. Problem solved…or at least it seemed so.

When the driver finally shakes off his brain freeze, he walks back over to the main counter, and begins a fifteen-minute conversation with the girl who issued our voucher.

Our carefree driver comes back, and then nonchalantly says, “600 baht, but you ride in bigger taxi.” He points to a massive station wagon converted into a taxi. When you ride in an oversized cab, for example a station wagon or mini-van, the price goes up. The thing is, we didn’t need one. Not only that, the cost of going to Sukhumvit 39 from Suvarnabhumi is in the 250-300 baht range.

We’d now been standing around with our wieners in our hands for approximately 20 minutes, waiting for this jerk-off. Although we were frustrated, watching 20 Thai taxi drivers and 2 counter girls attempting to solve the problem of adding an extra half a bag into a taxi was priceless.

Rocket science it is not–but then again, this is Thailand!

We could have easily said, “Okay my friend, let’s go,” but that would have been too easy, not to mention a waste of money.

So I point towards a slightly larger taxi, and say, “We want this one. It’s no problem.”

This time, as if on cue, the entire lot of critical thinkers gasp, “Not big enough.” By this time, tears of laughter are rolling down our faces. You have 20 drivers, 2 counter girls, and a supervisor working in unison, brains sizzling like an overworked motherboard, simply because we’re carrying two and half bags, instead of one or two.

We walk over to the chosen taxi, put one bag in the front, one bag in the trunk, and get into the back seat with the carryon. “You see,” I said. “No problem!”

A minute goes by. Then two…then three…after five minutes, I roll down the window and scream, “Hurry up!” We’ve now been waiting for close to 30 minutes already!”
The driver comes back “600 baht,” he says. He clearly did not want to lose.

“Turn on the meter,” I tell him.

He walks away, then comes back after another five minutes and gets in the vehicle. He turns on the meter and we’re off; twenty minutes later, sitting comfortably in our standard sized taxi.

The ride cost 300 baht.

View All Articles By: Nick Gatsby

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