Before beginning my diatribe, let me state for the record I certainly understand the utilitarian properties of the Thai bar girl. Why, if it weren’t for my wife-who I shall not preface with any adjective such as lovely, sweet, adorable, or kind-hearted (as so many seem to like to do when speaking of their spouse or children)-my own proclivity for bar girl would probably get the better of me.
Yes, if it were not for the wife, and my general shortage of discretionary funds, a harem I would certainly have. A different girl for each day of the month would be my bare minimum and Viagra would rest in bowls strategically placed throughout the house like M and M’s at a Van Halen concert. Moreover, nudity would be mandatory, and my girls would live on location doubling as secretaries, cooks, maids, and personal assistants.
Thailand has a habit of making old men young, allowing them to relive their halcyon days of youth and no place else on earth can you see such a superfluity of sixty-year-old men walking hand in hand with teenyboppers young enough to be their granddaughters. Young men who come to the country sow their oats, popping from bar to bar, getting drunk, hooking up, and having the time of their lives.
Anyhow, a handful of days ago, I happened upon a documentary, Love Me Long Time, Sex Tourism in Thailand. The movie is supposed to be a cute tribute to those bar flies who became a bargirl’s umpteenth customer then suddenly take a hit over the head by the hammer of love. Men, I implore you—wake up and crawl from the fog.
Hit the bars full force, have fun and play with the ladies, have them show you the ways of Thailand—but do not fall in love or marry them!
In all fairness to true documentary filmmakers like Ken Burns, Hugo Van Lawick, and Theodore Grouya, Love Me Long Time, Sex Tourism in Thailand closer resembles a home movie than documentary. Nonetheless, the movie does give an accurate depiction of just how screwed up men can be once they set foot in the Land of Smiles.
The love interests of the men in the movie who took the inevitable fall of love (or grace depending on how you look at it) are the absolute bottom of the barrel in Thai society and the women look like they’ve been hit with a hammer too—smack dab in the face.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (I guess), but if you’re foolish enough to fall in love with, get involved with, or God forbid, marry a bar girl, at least make sure she’s the sort of girl that makes other men stare in awe of your manliness (or the ability to pay for it). If your girl oozes sexuality and her pulchritude is beyond reproach, at least people will chalk up your stupidity to man’s inclination to think with the little head instead of the big one.
In one comical, yet sad sequence, a young man professes his love for a bargirl he’s been seeing. Later in the movie, he snivels about how a bank transfer from the U.K. failed to materialize and how his girl has now found another man. True love, indeed. To his credit, he acknowledges, “If my money comes tomorrow, she’ll be back.”
Another man continually states how special his girl is and how each month he gives her a stipend so she can pay the rent. Apparently, he’s not paying enough though because his girl continues to work in the bar and sleep with customers.
Most problems between foreigners and Thai woman stem from money, or the lack of it, or the inability to communicate properly and understand one other. Bar girls work for one reason, to make money, and contrary to what the average punter may believe, the vast majority do not view themselves as the next Pretty Woman.
The sooner men understand their interactions with bar girls are a business transaction, the sooner they’ll resist the urge to lose touch with reality, fall madly in love, and make them their wives. Money buys a place in line, not love.
It’s the bar girl’s job to extract as much money as possible while making you feel like a million bucks.
The constant never changes-you (customer) pay them (supplier), you play, they work. That’s why they’re called working girls. Keep this in mind and you’ll stay ahead of the game. Note: in this article “girl” is in reference to adult “women”
Nick Gatsby has lived in Bangkok for nearly ten years. He has done everything from teaching English to exporting Thai goods to his current love, photographing and writing about Southeast Asia.
View All Articles By: Nick Gatsby
Also see: The Noobies Guide to Thai Bargirl Scams
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
If I had a dollar for every guy I knew that married or dated a bargirl and ended up broke and poor I would be a zillionaire
I think you get back what you put in. I never have these bad experiences.. only a few ( in over 15 years ) mayby 3 or 4 girls that tried to pull off something.. give em 500 bhat taxi money and off they go nd in comes in a sweet gal that never even bothers to ask how much or count what ever I stuff into her pocket book while she is in the bathroom. I have had even more girls in the last 10 years TREAT ME to drinks and dinner and not ask for anything, again I say, if your attitude to the thais is assholish they (weather you think so or not) are just as sophisticated as you think you are and they pick up on it and throw it right back at you.
Yep that is totally true man, if you have that crappy burned out expat attitude and act like a jerk the gals pick up on it. Allot of guys say a gal has a bad attitude when they are the ones that really have the crappy attitude. But I understand when guys complain that about bad attitudes when they are paying for the company.
Personally I prefer to game regular gals than the bar girl type.
Guys, how difficult is it to game regular girls in Thailand as opposed to Western women?
I meet regular girls in Thailand all the time – I went out clubbing last week with a girl I gamed at the Emporium Shopping mall, it can be a bit tricky but its really not that hard. Check out this post http://www.expatrockstar.com/meeting-thai-women/
First - in my opinion, bar girls are for having fun with, even on rare occasions, becoming friends with. They are not the sorts I’d like to marry however, which was the point of the piece. Some bar girls are great fun, without a doubt, but getting into a serious relationship with them is a recipe for disaster, especially if you have limited experience in the Thai culture.
Gaming regular Thai girls is indeed tricky. Even though some regular Thai women speak passable English, for most guys, the language barrier can get in the way of meeting middle to hi-so Thais. These women don’t “need” you, so you better have game. There’s a difference and there’s a fine line between a woman who is sleeping with men for money, a woman looking for the long-term payoff (my buffalo is sick, I never ask you for money), and a girl who simply wants a decent guy to carry on a relationship with or for a one-night shag.
From what I’ve learned in my years here, it’s all about what you expect from the Thai woman. If you expect a bar girl to become the love of your life, that’s a tall order. Find a girl working a job she’s proud of and who has decent self-esteem, and she might make for decent GF or wife material.
Determining this role, per se, is where the problems do or do not arise. Women of any culture can be difficult to read or understand…doesn’t matter if they’re Thai, English, or Brazilian…
With the high HIV prevalence rate in southeast Asia (with the exception of PI), aren´t you guys a little apprehensive when going out with bar girls?
Hi Brazilianguy, what is the high rate of HIV in SE Asia? I haven’t seen any numbers. Please let me know. Is the Philippines different?
Thanks.
JR
Hey, JR, you can look it up here: http://www.who.int/hiv/countries/en/index.html
or go to wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:HIV/AIDS_by_country
Actually, the Phillippines and Indonesia are quite safe!
Brazilianguy - I’m not at all apprehensive with going out with ANY WOMEN. Ever heard of condoms? I for one make it a point to always wear a hat and thus do not worry about contracting anything. If you’re going bareback then maybe you should worry…I do not though.
If you want to get involved with a regular chick WHO YOU CAN TRUST (which takes time), you use a condom until the test results confirm you’re both clean and then hump away.