There comes a time most men’s lives when for whatever reason, they become involved in a serious relationship, eventually taking the plunge and getting married.
No matter where you live, marriage is always a dicey prospect, but when sex is more available than chocolate, it becomes even more hazardous.
When most men arrive in Thailand, they are like kids in a candy store. So many women in all shapes and sizes and with some of them, if you pay them a little money, they go away and leave you to your own vices. Others seem so sweet and lovable; how could you possibly resist?
You can and you must resist, at least for a reasonable period. As Mr. Otomo astutely noted, “If you wanna be in love, get a dog.”
The Land of Smiles may be full of cheery women with toothy grins but it is still a poor country and thus women tend to use whatever means they can to rise to the next socio-economic level. Remember this when you are going to meet your little brown farm girl’s family.
Making a relationship work with any woman is difficult enough, even if when you share the same culture and background. Add a language barrier, cultural differences, and financial complications into the mix and making a relationship work with a Thai woman is like playing Russian roulette with more than one bullet.
In the beginning of your time as an expat, get to know the country, the people, the language, and the culture. Thai culture is like a huge Tootsie Pop that you keep licking and licking and yet you never seem to reach the chewy Tootsie Roll center.
It is doubtful you will ever discover all the ins and outs of Thai culture. That is perfectly okay, but at least get to know the playing field for you begin playing the game.
Use the go-go bars, massage parlors, discos, nightclubs for what they are intended, finding companionship without strings, sexual and otherwise. If are sleeping alone and need sex, your needs will be taken care for the cost of a halfway decent button down shirt. Thus, there is absolutely no excuse to be forlorn in Thailand.
It is during this intense, knowledge-gathering period that you can begin to foster new relationships with more mainstream women. However, make certain this is what you really want because Thai women have a bad habit of not wanting to leave once their foot is in the door.
If you are certain you want a relationship, proceed with caution. This might sound ridiculously stupid but it is surprising how many guys I’ve met who despite knowing the pitfalls of getting seriously involved with a Thai woman before they really should have, dive in headlong. If you are unfamiliar with the ways of Thai women versus those of the women in your own country, taking it extremely slow is probably the best advice anyone can get.
When you are looking of a woman who is relationship material, meaning a woman worthy of calling your girlfriend or wife, you should consider several places off limits.
1) Beer Bars
2) Go-Go Bars
3) Massage parlors of any type
4) Discos like CM2, Angels Disco, Sheraton Rivas, Spasso’s, etc.
On a positive note, Thai women will make it easy for you to take it slow; if your potential love interest hops in the sack on the first date, chances are extremely high she is not quite as innocent as you may think. Not that there is anything necessarily wrong with this but do not kid yourself; Thai culture (like many other cultures) generally dictates that good Thai women make their man wait.
Why do you think there are massage parlors?
One reason is that while the good Thai women are hesitant to give up the booty, the men waiting for them to open their legs need sex. Despite what some may think prostitutes definitely have a purpose in society.
While you are courting, at least in the beginning, Thai women will want to have a girlfriend accompany them on your dates. This means paying double and having someone filter your game, which can quickly get tiresome.
From her perspective, the friend is tagging along because she is not ready to be alone with you; she does not trust your manipulative male ways or she does not trust herself.
If all goes well, the time will come when you and she have your time alone and sleep together. For many Thai women, once is all it takes for them to fall in love.
After this, it’s all downhill…just kidding. It may or may not be but if you’re the type who likes to party all night long and come strolling in at 5 AM, you might want to rethink your quest for a relationship.
Be careful what you wish for, you might just get what you want. Be forewarned.
Nick Gatsby has lived in Bangkok for nearly ten years. He has done everything from teaching English to exporting Thai goods to his current love, photographing and writing about Southeast Asia.
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Mr. Gatsby as always this was a good read. Now that I’ve complimented you on your article lemme slap some sense into your captivated audience…………………….DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most guys have a hard time dodging the bullet. I managed to do so until I was 39 years old (at least technically). Personally I think getting married right out of University, around that age, tends to be a recipe for disaster.
Oh…and if you are going to get married, marry Asian and remember that here in Asia, you’re the boss - period.