Just like a little boy that begs for something sweet, an Expat Rockstar expects his massage to end with a happy ending. Unfortunately, when you find yourself at the wrong place, this does not always happen. If you are craving more than just a massage but you don’t get what you want, it doesn’t necessarily mean she won’t ask for a tip. To some though, no happy ending equals no tip.
This is where the cultural gap widens and gets lost in translation. Sometimes it’s painful (literally) to find out the hard way that some Asian masseuses refuse to perform the act you desire.
There are hundreds, if not thousands of massage parlors or spas in downtown Jakarta however, not all of them offer full service to expat patrons. There is a difference in the vocabulary: Keluarga (family) or happy ending.
Where the first category guarantees a dry experience, on the other hand (though some like it with both hands), the second category sounds like a promise for a good time. It is essential to understand that the quality of the massage has nothing to do with how things end up. A pro massage, for example a genuine traditional Shiatsu doesn’t forbid a little help from her hand in the last minutes and even the poorest session might finish with a boost.
The situation becomes ironic when she naturally offers a helping hand but you don’t really want it, because either you are just not in the mood, or more likely, you prefer to save your energy for later in the night…
You won’t ever run into a massage parlor with a flashy neon light at the front door announcing something like ‘Here we proudly shake it!’ Actually, you might just notice - if you really pay enough attention – a little sign reminding every customer that he is entering a family salon.
Sometimes the name says it all - Family Salon or Pijak Keluarga (Pijak is the Indonesian word for massage). Beware - family businesses don’t do the kinky stuff. Just check their policy before thinking your masseuse will give you a hand job. Asking for this at the wrong place certainly contributes to misunderstandings between Bules (foreigners) and locals.
Frankly, isn’t it better to get a happy ending without asking for it? If you have to ask….
Remember that if you want to play the Expat Rockstar, begging is unthinkable, not to mention undignified. Keep some semblance of pride no matter how horny you may be…there are plenty of fish in the sea, after all.
The thing is massage parlors in Indonesia are often used as a front for sexual services offering more than a simple hand job. This is especially true outside Jakarta in those lost and desperate areas where the chance of finding a willing partner is rare.
However, places like the famous 5+1 at Hotel Melawai in Blok M, Berlian or Olympic at Lokasari Plaza (Jalan Mangar Besar) belong to the brothel category. FYI - the police raid the Melawai less often than the other bordellos.
Last April 2008, a parlor located in Batu (East Java) began requiring its’ masseuse to put small padlocks on their zippers to prevent prostitution! The good news was there were no locks applied to their hands!
- A padlocked locked zipper on the pants of a massage girl in Indonesia
The place to go in Jakarta:
Delta is only a few minutes’ drive south from Blok M. Although you can try many other places, this is one of the best establishments in downtown Jakarta.
Why? Simply because they provide a high quality massage with a skillfully performed happy ending.
Delta is located in the Wijaya Graha Puri (Complex Grand Widjaya) on Blok F in between Jalan Wijaya 2 and Jalan Darmawangsa, next to a large police building. The place is clean and has everything the Expat Rockstar wants: sauna, hot tub, steam room, and comfortable massage rooms on the last floor. Cost is under $15 U.S. for a 45-minute session, exclusive of tip.
Nils is a French journalist and Internet consultant based in Jakarta since 2001, he is happily enjoying rock star lifestyle along with married status… or at least trying to make it work smoothly…
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maybe i’ve just never had a handjob done right, but i don’t get the jones for having a girl jerk me off….maybe i just haven’t had a pro do it. hmmm.
Personally I’d want a bit more than hand-relief at one of those places. ‘Lip-service’ and more
Minor correction - massage is ‘pijat’ in Indonesian, not pijak, ‘pijak’ is almost ‘pajak’, which is ‘tax’!!!
Btw, great site, just happened on it.
Delta is good, but the whole point of difference there is that the price is all-inclusive, an HJ is included, and no tip is required. So please don’t give one!
happy endings are always my preference but i am a softy at heart
Detla- is good here is the but:
Can’t choose your masseuse. First time she was a good masseuse / ending but ugly. Second time ugly and bad masseuse.
have you guys heard about the tenga instrument? can be bought at the spa at sparks hotel, 7th floor. Sparks hotel spa is great too! choose for massage thepaty (the name for the ‘expected service’. or else you will be paying more to the therapist.