Thailand Expat

Five years ago, two of my friends came to visit me here in Thailand. Richard and Charlie were two complete opposite personalities. I had become friends with these two jokers through a good friend of mine, Teddy. Richard was fiftyish, yet was fit, and rarely lacking in energy.

We met at a small get together at Teddy’s and while we were cordial, we didn’t speak much. Ted also introduced me to Charlie, who was thirty-five going on sixty. The three of us visited a bar together, and it was at this time I learned the obvious, Charlie, was a drunk. For reasons I have never determined, he was booted out of the tavern we went to, but at the time, I didn’t think much of it.

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Thailand’s taxi drivers slide on and off my shit list as often an ass visits a toilet seat. There are days when I despise cab drivers and there are days when a driver has me howling with laughter.

A couple of weeks ago, I met James Grey at Suvarnabhumi airport. The PAD demonstrations were over and he arrived the day the airport re-opened. It wasn’t absolutely necessary for me to pick him up, but it’s nice having someone waiting for you at the airport, especially in light of the political situation. I took a cab to the airport, went inside to the prearranged meeting place, drank a M-150, and waited.

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A few days ago, I had a business appointment at the JW Marriott on Sukhumvit Soi 2. As is my norm, I walked out to the main street, Ladprao Road, stuck my thumb out, and hailed a cab. It was 6:00 in the evening and the sun was setting. The air was cool and free of humidity and I was feeling good.

A taxi pulled up, I opened the front door of the cab, and then asked the driver if he would take me to Sukhumvit Road. “Too much traffic,” he quickly responded. Despite Bangkok’s taxi drivers constant complaining about their poor wages, they consistently turn customers away.

Traffic was indeed heavy–but in Bangkok, the traffic is always miserable! TOT–this is Thailand–you would think as cab drivers they would be used to it, but this is one of their common reasons for denying fares.

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So you read the “Jobs in the Middle East” article and now you got a gig making a couple hundred grand a year, maybe you have a 6-fig internet business or you play poker online and you want to live the big life in Bangkok. Well with a good chunk of cash in your pocket you can live the Expat Rockstar life living in a big serviced apartment with 42’ LCD’s in every room and hang out at clubs surrounded by beautiful women five nights a week.

Below is the Cost of Living for a High budget, this is basically what we spend every month on the ERS HQ here in Bangkok. When you look at the prices you may think “dang dude” but remember; this is for a top floor serviced apartment, going out to clubs regularly, eating out everyday and dating allot… In a Major International City! This is still ¼ what James G spent every month living in Washington D.C. (all figures are in USD).
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Before beginning my diatribe, let me state for the record I certainly understand the utilitarian properties of the Thai bar girl. Why, if it weren’t for my wife-who I shall not preface with any adjective such as lovely, sweet, adorable, or kind-hearted (as so many seem to like to do when speaking of their spouse or children)-my own proclivity for bar girl would probably get the better of me.

Yes, if it were not for the wife, and my general shortage of discretionary funds, a harem I would certainly have. A different girl for each day of the month would be my bare minimum and Viagra would rest in bowls strategically placed throughout the house like M and M’s at a Van Halen concert. Moreover, nudity would be mandatory, and my girls would live on location doubling as secretaries, cooks, maids, and personal assistants.

Thailand has a habit of making old men young, allowing them to relive their halcyon days of youth and no place else on earth can you see such a superfluity of sixty-year-old men walking hand in hand with teenyboppers young enough to be their granddaughters. Young men who come to the country sow their oats, popping from bar to bar, getting drunk, hooking up, and having the time of their lives.
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Thai women are renowned the world over for their beauty, grace, femininity, and sexuality. They have that certain something that makes them alluring to men and their diminutive stature makes them doll like, while at the same time, womanly.

If you are interested in meeting regular Thai women though, where and how do you go about it? When I say regular Thai women, I am referring to those who have a profession outside of the tourist entertainment industry. This means office worker, nurse, grocery clerk, doctor, lawyer, etc.

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You decided to sell everything you own – or almost everything – and move to the Land of Smiles. Traveling light, you toss all your clothes into a duffle bag, cram your suitcase with books, DVD’s, photos, and other personal belongs. You carefully slide your laptop into your backpack and then add your camera and the rest of your gear.

One suitcase, one duffle bag, and a backpack - you have simplified your life in to three bags.-This is the trade-off for moving abroad – for the life you’ve chosen. What you cannot sell, you give away, what you cannot give away, you trash. It’s either this or pay to ship everything by container. As much as you would like to do this, it is not worth the money or the hassle. Anything that has any legitimate sentimental value you bring with you, and when your feet hit Thai soil after the long flight, you are ready to embark upon your new life.

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